Dear loved ones, As you well know, we are getting closer to my birthday. Every year there is a celebration in my honor and I think that this year the celebration will be repeated. During this time there are many people shopping for gifts, there are many radio announcements, TV commercials, and in every part of the world everyone is talking that my birthday is getting closer and closer.. It is really very nice to know, that at least once a year, some people think of me. As you know, the celebration of my birthday began many years ago. At first people seemed to understand and be thankful of all that I did for them, but in these times, no one seems to know the reason for the celebration. Family and friends get together and have a lot of fun, but they don't know the meaning of the celebration. I remember that last year there was a great feast in my honor. The dinner table was full of delicious foods, pastries, fruits, assorted nuts and chocolates. The decorations were exquisite and there were many, many beautifully wrapped gifts. But, do you want to know something? I wasn't invited. I was the guest of honor and they didn't remember to send me an invitation. The party was for me, but when that great day came, I was left outside, they closed the door in my face .... And I wanted to be with them and share their table. In truth, that didn't surprise me because in the last few years all close their doors to me. Since I wasn't invited, I decided to enter the party without making any noise. I went in and stood in a corner. They were all drinking; there were some who were drunk and telling jokes and laughing at everything. They were having a grand time. To top it all, this big fat man all dressed in red wearing a long white beard entered the room yelling Ho-Ho-Ho! He seemed drunk. He sat on the sofa and all the children ran to him, saying: "Santa Claus, Santa Claus" .. As if the party were in his honor! At 12 Midnight all the people began to hug each other; I extended my arms waiting for someone to hug me and ... Do you know ... No one hugged me. Suddenly they all began to share gifts. They opened them one by one with great expectation. When all had been opened, I looked to see if, maybe, there was one for me.
What would you feel if on your birthday everybody shared gifts and you did not get one? I then understood that I was unwanted at that party and quietly left. Every year it gets worse. People only remember to eat and drink, the gifts, the parties and nobody remembers me. I would like this Christmas that you allow me to enter into your life. I would like that you recognize the fact that almost two thousand years ago I came to this world to give my life for you, on the cross, to save you. Today, I only want that you believe this with all your heart. I want to share something with you. As many didn't invite me to their party, I will have my own celebration, a grandiose party that no one has ever imagined, a spectacular party.
I'm still making the final arrangements. Today I am sending out many invitations and there is an invitation for you. I want to know if you wish to attend and I will make a reservation for you and write your name with golden letters in my great guest book. Only those on the guest list will be invited to the party. Those who don't answer the invite, will be left outside..
Be prepared because when all is ready you will be part of my great party. See you soon. I Love you! Jesus
P.S. Please share this message with your loved ones, before Christmas
Friday, December 16, 2005
Monday, December 12, 2005
Christmas
Hmmm, so many of us have forgotten the reason we have Christmas. The business community has convinced many of us that we need to spend money we don't have, and that nothing we do is good enough. Buy more! Buy more! It never stops. You start seeing Christmas things in the store as early as June or July now. The shopping day of the year is is the day after THANKSgiving. But instead of the spirit of Christmas, I see people fighting over items in the store. A woman got trampled this year in the stores. Two men got in fist fights over an item. Why? Because the stores advertise these wonderful discounted prices for items but as we all know, they only have one or two in the store and have several thousand people wanting it. It is so sad. But even with all of this evil trying to take over the goodness. Goodness still comes through I am glad to say. Because the goodness of the holiday also brings out the giving in each of us and makes us think twice about those in our lives that we choose not to "see."
I received this in my email today. I thought it appropriate to include in my blog.
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the town, Not a sign of Baby Jesus was anywhere to be found.
The people were all busy with Christmastime chores.
Like decorating, and baking, and shopping in stores.
No one sang, "Away in a manger, no crib for a bed."
Instead, they sang of Santa dressed up in bright red.
Mama watched Martha Stewart, Papa drank beer from a tap.
As hour upon hour the presents they'd wrap.
Then what from the TV did they suddenly hear?
An ad, which told of a big sale down at Sears.
So away to the mall they all flew like a flash,
Buying some things on credit and others with cash!
And, as they made their way home from their trip to the mall,
Did they think about Jesus? Oh, no, not at all.
Their lives were so busy with their Christmas time things,
They had no time to remember Christ Jesus, the King.
There were presents to wrap and cookies to bake.
How could they stop and remember the One who died for their sake?
To pray to the Savior, they had no time to stop.
Because they needed more time to "Shop till they drop!"On wail-mart! On K-mart! On Target! On Penny's!On Hallmark! On Zales!
A quick lunch at Denny's!
From the big stores downtown to the stores at the mall,
They would dash away, dash away, and visit them all!
And up on the roof, there arose such a clatter,
As grandpa hung icicle lights using his brand new step ladder.
He hung lights that would flash. He hung lights that would twirl.
Yet, he never once prayed to Jesus, the Light of the World.
Christ's eyes, how they twinkle!Christ's Spirit how merry!
Christ's love, how enormous!All of our burdens He'll carry!
So instead of being busy, overworked, and uptight,
Let's put Christ back in Christmas and enjoy some good nights!
Well the point of today's blog is to thank the God for the ultimate gift he gave me. His son. His son died so I can live forever. Not in this short term body, but my spirit which is part of him. He dwells within me. I know him, I feel him, I love him, and it is something that no one can ever take away from me. Christ may have not been born on December 25th. But it is another day of thanksgiving. I give thanks that God gave me his son. Through grace and mercy he is mine and I am his. I wish that every person could experience the glory of his presence in their lives. There is nothing greater. But each of us must find him in our time, in our own way, and not before we need. It is time to share my testimony of this wonderful being in my life and how he saved it.
I tried to commit suicide in 1997. I was so depressed. So lost. I had no hope, no joy, and felt no love. My childhood really messed me up in the head and as normal as I seemed to most people I was nothing but broken pieces being held together by cheap glue inside. Everything in my life led me to the day I gave up and gave myself to God. The greatest day of my life. Five years prior to this my husband of 10 years left me for himself. I was devastated. I had been abandoned and unloved yet again in my life. This was the beginning of the end for my emotional well being. I thank the Lord I was unselfish enough and sane enough to give custody of my youngest son to his father. Even now, years later this turned out to be a good decision.
Let me give you a little background so you understand my mindset. I had a dysfunctional childhood. I was ill a great deal of the time because of kidney disease. So I was in and out of hospitals a lot. But I was also sexually molested by two family members, we never had intercourse, but I was touched inappropriately and I remember. I was physically abused. I was beaten with switches and belts and not just normal spankings, I got beat with a switch until I bled for spending 50 cents in candy machines at the store after being told not to. I would be beat so hard with a belt I would have black and blue belt welts on my legs. I can remember my father sitting at the table with a belt over his shoulder while I ate just waiting for me to refuse to eat my liver. I hate liver. I once turned around and came right back home from school and caught my father dressing up in my clothes and makeup. Again I was devastated and never spent another moment alone with my father. I did eventually make piece in my heart about my relationship with him. But the scars remained and were deep. I never had many relationships with the opposite sex growing up because of my weight problems. So when I did I was always looking for a knight in shining armor. I didn't know how to be happy so I was always looking for someone to make me happy. The first time I moved in with a man at the age of 19 he beat me to death severely. Kicked me in the face snapping my head back and slamming it into the table giving me a concussion. I remained with this man for 2 months after this and like all abusive men, he was always contrite afterwards. We learn what we live. His father abused his mother. I remember the day I finally moved out, my father came to help. He hit me because I was embarrassing him. Go figure. I had lost 50 pounds up to this point and for the first time in my life I was acceptably thin. I was not used to the attention of males and so I did not make good decisions for relationships. And I just wanted someone to love me. So the first man that chose to love me was a homosexual. I thought he could love just me. Boy was I wrong. We got married, had a baby, and a year later he left me for a man. Then I met my second husband. I loved him deeply. Dreamed of growing old having grandchildren. Etc etc. But alas, as is with many people in the military, his last trip while we were married was 6 months long. It changed our relationship, it changed him, and rather than remember the promise he made to me and God, he chose to be selfish and left me a single, heartbroken mother. I was so devastated. I became so depressed I wanted to die. Even started making arrangements to make sure all my ducks were in a row for my children. Well my mother - n - law of all people saw in my heart what I wanted to do and flat out told me her son wasn't worth it. I managed to struggle through this and remarried a one of my roommates. Well needless to say he had his own psychological problems and my life became extremely volatile and psychologically my mind began to break down. Most people couldn't see it because from my childhood I learned to hide behind a mask. I was recently diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. It put a lot of the puzzle pieces together for me. But anyway. Through many chain of event situations, in January of 1997 I reached my emotional breaking point. I swallowed several of my husbands blood pressure pills. I don't have high blood pressure and my husband had been warned to never take more than one of these pills because they could stop your heart. Then it happened. God spoke to me. Actually it was more he yelled at me in my mind. No I am not schizophrenic. I don't hear voices. But God spoke and I listened. He yelled at me that my children needed me. He yelled at me that I was taking something that did not belong to me. I belonged to him and he had plans for me. Over and over in minutes that seemed like an eternity I heard my son needed me. I got up and ran to the bathroom and stuck my fingers down my throat. Up came the pills. And everything changed. I began reading the bible from cover to cover. And for the first time in my life I actually understood what I was reading. God was revealing message after message to me. He changed me from the inside out. I was different. And because I changed my husband had to change and although we have had some rough spots over the last 8 years I must say I have a wonderful marriage to an incredible man I love with all my heart. I love this man unconditionally. And I know, deep inside he loves me. I know the Lord loves me, I know the Lord is real. And I will try as I remember them to share my testimonies of specific prayers being answered so specifically that I knew it was God. He is real. He is here. He is within me. And I wish more than anything to share him with all.
God Bless for today. There will be more to come.
I received this in my email today. I thought it appropriate to include in my blog.
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the town, Not a sign of Baby Jesus was anywhere to be found.
The people were all busy with Christmastime chores.
Like decorating, and baking, and shopping in stores.
No one sang, "Away in a manger, no crib for a bed."
Instead, they sang of Santa dressed up in bright red.
Mama watched Martha Stewart, Papa drank beer from a tap.
As hour upon hour the presents they'd wrap.
Then what from the TV did they suddenly hear?
An ad, which told of a big sale down at Sears.
So away to the mall they all flew like a flash,
Buying some things on credit and others with cash!
And, as they made their way home from their trip to the mall,
Did they think about Jesus? Oh, no, not at all.
Their lives were so busy with their Christmas time things,
They had no time to remember Christ Jesus, the King.
There were presents to wrap and cookies to bake.
How could they stop and remember the One who died for their sake?
To pray to the Savior, they had no time to stop.
Because they needed more time to "Shop till they drop!"On wail-mart! On K-mart! On Target! On Penny's!On Hallmark! On Zales!
A quick lunch at Denny's!
From the big stores downtown to the stores at the mall,
They would dash away, dash away, and visit them all!
And up on the roof, there arose such a clatter,
As grandpa hung icicle lights using his brand new step ladder.
He hung lights that would flash. He hung lights that would twirl.
Yet, he never once prayed to Jesus, the Light of the World.
Christ's eyes, how they twinkle!Christ's Spirit how merry!
Christ's love, how enormous!All of our burdens He'll carry!
So instead of being busy, overworked, and uptight,
Let's put Christ back in Christmas and enjoy some good nights!
Well the point of today's blog is to thank the God for the ultimate gift he gave me. His son. His son died so I can live forever. Not in this short term body, but my spirit which is part of him. He dwells within me. I know him, I feel him, I love him, and it is something that no one can ever take away from me. Christ may have not been born on December 25th. But it is another day of thanksgiving. I give thanks that God gave me his son. Through grace and mercy he is mine and I am his. I wish that every person could experience the glory of his presence in their lives. There is nothing greater. But each of us must find him in our time, in our own way, and not before we need. It is time to share my testimony of this wonderful being in my life and how he saved it.
I tried to commit suicide in 1997. I was so depressed. So lost. I had no hope, no joy, and felt no love. My childhood really messed me up in the head and as normal as I seemed to most people I was nothing but broken pieces being held together by cheap glue inside. Everything in my life led me to the day I gave up and gave myself to God. The greatest day of my life. Five years prior to this my husband of 10 years left me for himself. I was devastated. I had been abandoned and unloved yet again in my life. This was the beginning of the end for my emotional well being. I thank the Lord I was unselfish enough and sane enough to give custody of my youngest son to his father. Even now, years later this turned out to be a good decision.
Let me give you a little background so you understand my mindset. I had a dysfunctional childhood. I was ill a great deal of the time because of kidney disease. So I was in and out of hospitals a lot. But I was also sexually molested by two family members, we never had intercourse, but I was touched inappropriately and I remember. I was physically abused. I was beaten with switches and belts and not just normal spankings, I got beat with a switch until I bled for spending 50 cents in candy machines at the store after being told not to. I would be beat so hard with a belt I would have black and blue belt welts on my legs. I can remember my father sitting at the table with a belt over his shoulder while I ate just waiting for me to refuse to eat my liver. I hate liver. I once turned around and came right back home from school and caught my father dressing up in my clothes and makeup. Again I was devastated and never spent another moment alone with my father. I did eventually make piece in my heart about my relationship with him. But the scars remained and were deep. I never had many relationships with the opposite sex growing up because of my weight problems. So when I did I was always looking for a knight in shining armor. I didn't know how to be happy so I was always looking for someone to make me happy. The first time I moved in with a man at the age of 19 he beat me to death severely. Kicked me in the face snapping my head back and slamming it into the table giving me a concussion. I remained with this man for 2 months after this and like all abusive men, he was always contrite afterwards. We learn what we live. His father abused his mother. I remember the day I finally moved out, my father came to help. He hit me because I was embarrassing him. Go figure. I had lost 50 pounds up to this point and for the first time in my life I was acceptably thin. I was not used to the attention of males and so I did not make good decisions for relationships. And I just wanted someone to love me. So the first man that chose to love me was a homosexual. I thought he could love just me. Boy was I wrong. We got married, had a baby, and a year later he left me for a man. Then I met my second husband. I loved him deeply. Dreamed of growing old having grandchildren. Etc etc. But alas, as is with many people in the military, his last trip while we were married was 6 months long. It changed our relationship, it changed him, and rather than remember the promise he made to me and God, he chose to be selfish and left me a single, heartbroken mother. I was so devastated. I became so depressed I wanted to die. Even started making arrangements to make sure all my ducks were in a row for my children. Well my mother - n - law of all people saw in my heart what I wanted to do and flat out told me her son wasn't worth it. I managed to struggle through this and remarried a one of my roommates. Well needless to say he had his own psychological problems and my life became extremely volatile and psychologically my mind began to break down. Most people couldn't see it because from my childhood I learned to hide behind a mask. I was recently diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. It put a lot of the puzzle pieces together for me. But anyway. Through many chain of event situations, in January of 1997 I reached my emotional breaking point. I swallowed several of my husbands blood pressure pills. I don't have high blood pressure and my husband had been warned to never take more than one of these pills because they could stop your heart. Then it happened. God spoke to me. Actually it was more he yelled at me in my mind. No I am not schizophrenic. I don't hear voices. But God spoke and I listened. He yelled at me that my children needed me. He yelled at me that I was taking something that did not belong to me. I belonged to him and he had plans for me. Over and over in minutes that seemed like an eternity I heard my son needed me. I got up and ran to the bathroom and stuck my fingers down my throat. Up came the pills. And everything changed. I began reading the bible from cover to cover. And for the first time in my life I actually understood what I was reading. God was revealing message after message to me. He changed me from the inside out. I was different. And because I changed my husband had to change and although we have had some rough spots over the last 8 years I must say I have a wonderful marriage to an incredible man I love with all my heart. I love this man unconditionally. And I know, deep inside he loves me. I know the Lord loves me, I know the Lord is real. And I will try as I remember them to share my testimonies of specific prayers being answered so specifically that I knew it was God. He is real. He is here. He is within me. And I wish more than anything to share him with all.
God Bless for today. There will be more to come.
Monday, August 22, 2005
Tribulations
In my quiet life I am able to block out those things that disturb me. If I don't like what's on tv, I turn it off. If i don't want to talk to someone, I don't answer the phone. If i want to be creative, I read, sew, craft, paint, and any other activity I enjoy. If I want to be someone else for awhile, I read, or play a role playing game. So many things to accomodate my moods and whims. The ability to change at any moment the desires of my heart. But what I can't block out, no matter how hard I try, is the heartache I feel for those I know are going through something I can't change.
My friend of 35 years phoned me the other day. What she told me left me speechless and I don't even know if I have the words to express not only my feelings, but the incredible tragedy and hardship my friend has, and is, going through. I sit here with tears running down my face thinking of all we have both experienced, trudged through, survived, and made us who we are today. But none of that compares to what I am about to share with you.
Peggy and I met when we were 10 years old. She was walking by my home and I called to her thinking she was someone else. We spoke and quickly became best friends. Our friendship has spanned decades incompassing the many trials and tribulations of our lives, including a decade when we lost contact and eventually couldn't find each other. But thanks to the internet and persistance, we found each other once again.
That phone call wrenched my insides. The pain, the hopelessness, the tragedy. The life that was lost. Her daughter was shot 7 times, and killed, by a man crazed on anabolic steriods. He turned to shot her 3 children also but by a prayer they were spared. They prayer by their Grandmother turned him from them. He turned from them and faced a mother who just watched her daughter gunned down in front of her. Watched a precious, young life wiped from this earth. Watched a mother of three small children die. Never to see them grow, never see them marry, never see them have children of their own. These poor children witnessed all of this. And beyond losing their mother, their father turned and shot himself in the head.
In addition to the trauma of the incident itself. Peggy has lost her business, the use of her arm, is in pain each and every day. Two bullets yet remain in her body, inoperable. She has many years of physical and emotional therapy to go through. But how long will she suffer? Will she ever heal?
The evil of this world abounds. Stealing our hope, our joy, our lives in every way he can think of. These lives were lost to a drug. To steroids. All of you read these words. If you know any one taking these kinds of drugs show them this story. Don't let another day go by because this could be your family. Your mother, your daughter, your grandchildren. If you are the person taking these drugs. STOP! Don't let another day go by. Every day you are on these you further put yourself and your family in danger.
If you know how my friend can receive redemption from these drug companies for making these things available. For stealing her hopes and dreams, her daughter, her own life. Please post to this blog.
Think! This could be you or someone you know. Turn to God and pray. He is the answer. God Bless you.
My friend of 35 years phoned me the other day. What she told me left me speechless and I don't even know if I have the words to express not only my feelings, but the incredible tragedy and hardship my friend has, and is, going through. I sit here with tears running down my face thinking of all we have both experienced, trudged through, survived, and made us who we are today. But none of that compares to what I am about to share with you.
Peggy and I met when we were 10 years old. She was walking by my home and I called to her thinking she was someone else. We spoke and quickly became best friends. Our friendship has spanned decades incompassing the many trials and tribulations of our lives, including a decade when we lost contact and eventually couldn't find each other. But thanks to the internet and persistance, we found each other once again.
That phone call wrenched my insides. The pain, the hopelessness, the tragedy. The life that was lost. Her daughter was shot 7 times, and killed, by a man crazed on anabolic steriods. He turned to shot her 3 children also but by a prayer they were spared. They prayer by their Grandmother turned him from them. He turned from them and faced a mother who just watched her daughter gunned down in front of her. Watched a precious, young life wiped from this earth. Watched a mother of three small children die. Never to see them grow, never see them marry, never see them have children of their own. These poor children witnessed all of this. And beyond losing their mother, their father turned and shot himself in the head.
In addition to the trauma of the incident itself. Peggy has lost her business, the use of her arm, is in pain each and every day. Two bullets yet remain in her body, inoperable. She has many years of physical and emotional therapy to go through. But how long will she suffer? Will she ever heal?
The evil of this world abounds. Stealing our hope, our joy, our lives in every way he can think of. These lives were lost to a drug. To steroids. All of you read these words. If you know any one taking these kinds of drugs show them this story. Don't let another day go by because this could be your family. Your mother, your daughter, your grandchildren. If you are the person taking these drugs. STOP! Don't let another day go by. Every day you are on these you further put yourself and your family in danger.
If you know how my friend can receive redemption from these drug companies for making these things available. For stealing her hopes and dreams, her daughter, her own life. Please post to this blog.
Think! This could be you or someone you know. Turn to God and pray. He is the answer. God Bless you.
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
It has been a while
As you can see, it has been a while since I last posted. Where have I been? What have I been doing? Does it matter? Did it serve a purpose? Do you care?
I have been spending my time meeting new people. Seeing new places. Experiencing a different world all together. And don't think it is not a world unto it's own. I have been playing an online MMORPG game for the last 6 months. Some would say it a waste of time. But for those who play in this world, it is for some their reality. While the world that you live in is just a temporary space to house the mind that is lost in this virtual world.
I have met many new people from around the world. I have new friends now in Turkey, Poland, Germany, England, Australia. I talk to them more than the friends I have known for 20 years. We are all the same. We live in different places but we all require the same things. The need to be needed or useful. The need to rule. The need to destroy or create. The need to not be alone.
The Lord has continued to teach me through the people I have met. And I hope to use me to touch others lives.
I have found that even though these are characters in a game, the true personality of the person is carried down into the game. Whether it be hate, compassion, friendship, or competitiveness.
I have met many people I like, but only a few I can stand. But the ones that don't conform to the masses are hunted and persecuted. Just as in real life. Being different or tyrannical is not acceptable in game or in real life.
I have been spending my time meeting new people. Seeing new places. Experiencing a different world all together. And don't think it is not a world unto it's own. I have been playing an online MMORPG game for the last 6 months. Some would say it a waste of time. But for those who play in this world, it is for some their reality. While the world that you live in is just a temporary space to house the mind that is lost in this virtual world.
I have met many new people from around the world. I have new friends now in Turkey, Poland, Germany, England, Australia. I talk to them more than the friends I have known for 20 years. We are all the same. We live in different places but we all require the same things. The need to be needed or useful. The need to rule. The need to destroy or create. The need to not be alone.
The Lord has continued to teach me through the people I have met. And I hope to use me to touch others lives.
I have found that even though these are characters in a game, the true personality of the person is carried down into the game. Whether it be hate, compassion, friendship, or competitiveness.
I have met many people I like, but only a few I can stand. But the ones that don't conform to the masses are hunted and persecuted. Just as in real life. Being different or tyrannical is not acceptable in game or in real life.
Friday, April 01, 2005
New beginnings
Every day is new with you in my life Lord. I find hope in knowing you. Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. I pray for your will in my life Lord. You say you need me yet on this earth to do thy will. I pray that I am in your will in all that I do. Speak to me and show me which road I am to take. I am at a new crossroad needing guidance to take the correct path. For I know without it I am lost.
I have been lost many times in my life. You know it by the emptiness you feel. A hollow vessel wanting to be filled. I never want to be lost again. It is filled with the horror of feeling alone. With the silent tears only the Lord can heal. Tears that stream down the face like the rain on a pane of glass sliding and falling silently down. Only by his grace and mercy do I live. Joyful in knowing he loves me as I am. Approving of me despite my faults. Loving me like no other. With his love the tears are turned from sadness to one of knowing his presence and love. Never to be alone again. Knowing with the hope of things to come. This too shall pass. These words keep me strong in adversity. Knowing that every situation will pass. Just to hold on a little longer and be delivered. Every thing is not as it seems. What seems bad, God will turn to my good. It is this knowledge that keeps me alive.
Where do I go from here Lord? What task do you have for me now? I am waiting. Silently praying for your guidance. Lead me Lord. Let me not stray. Comfort me with the knowledge of knowing you light my path. Speak to my heart and mind and give me purpose once again. Amen.
I have been lost many times in my life. You know it by the emptiness you feel. A hollow vessel wanting to be filled. I never want to be lost again. It is filled with the horror of feeling alone. With the silent tears only the Lord can heal. Tears that stream down the face like the rain on a pane of glass sliding and falling silently down. Only by his grace and mercy do I live. Joyful in knowing he loves me as I am. Approving of me despite my faults. Loving me like no other. With his love the tears are turned from sadness to one of knowing his presence and love. Never to be alone again. Knowing with the hope of things to come. This too shall pass. These words keep me strong in adversity. Knowing that every situation will pass. Just to hold on a little longer and be delivered. Every thing is not as it seems. What seems bad, God will turn to my good. It is this knowledge that keeps me alive.
Where do I go from here Lord? What task do you have for me now? I am waiting. Silently praying for your guidance. Lead me Lord. Let me not stray. Comfort me with the knowledge of knowing you light my path. Speak to my heart and mind and give me purpose once again. Amen.
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
In the silence of my mind, for it is truly the only place of silence, I sift through my thoughts and memories. Places filled with joy, with hope, with sorrow, with laughter. While sorting through my mothers belongings, how I miss her so, I found the words of my cousin Tamra. She died at the age of 21 from the same cancer my mother was healed from. It is strange to me why the Lord would let a 74 year old woman be healed when she was told there was no hope, and let a 19 year old die. It is his will and not my own. I want to replicate her thoughts here where all may read them. May they have a profound affect on your soul as they did on mine. Here they will be immortalized for all to read. Unbeknownst to her, her faith was her ministry. She clung to every wisp of hope the Lord offered until her death. She never faltered in the eyes of those around her. What greater testament could there be?
Words from the journal of Tamra Lyn Wright, 03/21/1982 - 11/11/2003
September 4, 2003
The reality check is that it"s not about what we want. It's all about what God wants. Pastor said it the other day on TV. He said if you haven't asked the question yet, you will, "God, what do you want?" He'll bring you to a place where He asks "will you lay down what I promised to obey me now?" Most often what he is requiring at that given moment is to sacrifice what it is He promised. We seek Him. He declares a promise/prophecy regarding our lives. We then begin to do everything in our power to make that happen -- Faith without works. Through impossible circumstances God delivers what He promised whether it"s in the form and fashion we expected or not and then He does what seems as a completely out of character move. He requires that we take that promise, put in on the alter of sacrifice and kill it with our own hand. I think for a lot of us, here is where we stagger. We know what God has said and believe without a doubt we come to the point where we see it manifest. Our faith is tangible, but then when obedience meets the unforeseen instead of looking up and seeing the Son, we look away, take a step back and try and reason with God.
We tell Him, "You promised this. You are the one that called me into the ministry. I was happy doing what I was doing." But God you said, "I didn't ask for any of this." "All I've done is be obedient to you and now you want me to sacrifice the fulfillment of the promise you made." "God I don't understand." God sits there silently waiting for our obedience -- we can't see He has provided a Ram in the thicket. We can"t see the significance of simple obedience anymore.
We get to this point when obedience is cool, when it makes sense, but the moment God requests/requires us to do that which is far beyond our line of sight, we, unlike Abraham, stagger. Not to worry or feel condemned though, God is still waiting at the altar -- put the promise back and watch as God miraculously moves.
Sometimes in our passionable pursuit of His promises they become more important than Him. We guard them with our very lives, which we should, but He who gave it in the first place requires it aback -- it is not ours to hold onto. I'm not saying we just throw away everything God has given us, but which is more important, the promise in whatever form whether seedling or fully manifested or the promise given? This isn't a test we take once. It can easily be part of the the daily taking up of one's cross. Our lives acknowledge His lordship, we relinquish all rights. Though we are now absolved and have full access to all that Christ bought back on Calvary, it sill belongs to God. As the old cliche goes "Father knows best."
When your flesh becomes your master, you become a slave to sin.
If you are at a point where you cannot tell your flesh no at any given time, regarding any given thing, then you are in trouble and heading down a dangerous road. Your spirit no longer has ascending and you are probably not being led by the Holy Spirit.
September 12, 2003
I think it's often the silent tears that ring the loudest in Heaven's ears.
The silent tears that carry the secret burdens of my heart. The ones I'm not even sure what they say. But, my Daddy knows. As he catches every one of them they tell Him the story. The story of everything that has ripped at my core. That which causes to want to hide and cower in the corner. Not all of them tell of the horrors, many express the deepest gratitude, that which mortal words couldn't even find a syllable for. The greatest linguists of every generation combined would bury their heads in hopelessness at one attempt to express that of which a single word never utters. The silent tears. Sometimes in life things happen that cause us to grow silent, yet we have to express ourselves. It is then often at the moments of breaking that the flood of language burst forth. Not a single audible word spoken and yet a thousand things said. God is in the business of tears. He's an expert in the language. I'm eternally glad because all I really want as these silent tears stream down is for Him to hear my heart's cry. "Oh God you are my God and earnestly I seek you."
Out of me depths of my soul, my heart cries for the ever-living God. Not for a need to be met, not because the storm rages. or my enemies have surrounded me, but simply my life is nothing without Him. Nothing matters without Him, without His presence. I have stood in the presence of some great men and threw them all away for moments with Him. Yet, how often I throw His priceless invitations for momentary pleasures that really frustrate more than fulfill. We foolishly think that God's void can simply be filled with some fleshy treat. They act like numbing serum and slowly numb the area around our void making us feel momentarily staisfied and yet we are still empty or there may be residue of an event or an experience. For the vast majority it's empty not because it isn't present but because we miss the daily filling. We are not to be empty but overflowing. We are to give from abundance, not lack. We shouldn't have to drop the bucket into our well and fish out a drink for the thirsty. We should be overflowing our banks so any who walk by can simply drink. Do not worry about the fiery trials, as your well is dug deeper the fresher and more satisfying it will be. Out of the depths I cry not for a superficial temporal fling, but for my eternal lover, the one who knows my sould through and through, just to be with Him -- just to feel His touch again. It's not the anointing that drives me, it's simply His presence. We don't have to say anything, just be together.
How can you not stop and reflect on these words? How often have you cried and longed for his presence? We all chase after the brimming cup. Drink deeply and be filled.
Words from the journal of Tamra Lyn Wright, 03/21/1982 - 11/11/2003
September 4, 2003
The reality check is that it"s not about what we want. It's all about what God wants. Pastor said it the other day on TV. He said if you haven't asked the question yet, you will, "God, what do you want?" He'll bring you to a place where He asks "will you lay down what I promised to obey me now?" Most often what he is requiring at that given moment is to sacrifice what it is He promised. We seek Him. He declares a promise/prophecy regarding our lives. We then begin to do everything in our power to make that happen -- Faith without works. Through impossible circumstances God delivers what He promised whether it"s in the form and fashion we expected or not and then He does what seems as a completely out of character move. He requires that we take that promise, put in on the alter of sacrifice and kill it with our own hand. I think for a lot of us, here is where we stagger. We know what God has said and believe without a doubt we come to the point where we see it manifest. Our faith is tangible, but then when obedience meets the unforeseen instead of looking up and seeing the Son, we look away, take a step back and try and reason with God.
We tell Him, "You promised this. You are the one that called me into the ministry. I was happy doing what I was doing." But God you said, "I didn't ask for any of this." "All I've done is be obedient to you and now you want me to sacrifice the fulfillment of the promise you made." "God I don't understand." God sits there silently waiting for our obedience -- we can't see He has provided a Ram in the thicket. We can"t see the significance of simple obedience anymore.
We get to this point when obedience is cool, when it makes sense, but the moment God requests/requires us to do that which is far beyond our line of sight, we, unlike Abraham, stagger. Not to worry or feel condemned though, God is still waiting at the altar -- put the promise back and watch as God miraculously moves.
Sometimes in our passionable pursuit of His promises they become more important than Him. We guard them with our very lives, which we should, but He who gave it in the first place requires it aback -- it is not ours to hold onto. I'm not saying we just throw away everything God has given us, but which is more important, the promise in whatever form whether seedling or fully manifested or the promise given? This isn't a test we take once. It can easily be part of the the daily taking up of one's cross. Our lives acknowledge His lordship, we relinquish all rights. Though we are now absolved and have full access to all that Christ bought back on Calvary, it sill belongs to God. As the old cliche goes "Father knows best."
When your flesh becomes your master, you become a slave to sin.
If you are at a point where you cannot tell your flesh no at any given time, regarding any given thing, then you are in trouble and heading down a dangerous road. Your spirit no longer has ascending and you are probably not being led by the Holy Spirit.
September 12, 2003
I think it's often the silent tears that ring the loudest in Heaven's ears.
The silent tears that carry the secret burdens of my heart. The ones I'm not even sure what they say. But, my Daddy knows. As he catches every one of them they tell Him the story. The story of everything that has ripped at my core. That which causes to want to hide and cower in the corner. Not all of them tell of the horrors, many express the deepest gratitude, that which mortal words couldn't even find a syllable for. The greatest linguists of every generation combined would bury their heads in hopelessness at one attempt to express that of which a single word never utters. The silent tears. Sometimes in life things happen that cause us to grow silent, yet we have to express ourselves. It is then often at the moments of breaking that the flood of language burst forth. Not a single audible word spoken and yet a thousand things said. God is in the business of tears. He's an expert in the language. I'm eternally glad because all I really want as these silent tears stream down is for Him to hear my heart's cry. "Oh God you are my God and earnestly I seek you."
Out of me depths of my soul, my heart cries for the ever-living God. Not for a need to be met, not because the storm rages. or my enemies have surrounded me, but simply my life is nothing without Him. Nothing matters without Him, without His presence. I have stood in the presence of some great men and threw them all away for moments with Him. Yet, how often I throw His priceless invitations for momentary pleasures that really frustrate more than fulfill. We foolishly think that God's void can simply be filled with some fleshy treat. They act like numbing serum and slowly numb the area around our void making us feel momentarily staisfied and yet we are still empty or there may be residue of an event or an experience. For the vast majority it's empty not because it isn't present but because we miss the daily filling. We are not to be empty but overflowing. We are to give from abundance, not lack. We shouldn't have to drop the bucket into our well and fish out a drink for the thirsty. We should be overflowing our banks so any who walk by can simply drink. Do not worry about the fiery trials, as your well is dug deeper the fresher and more satisfying it will be. Out of the depths I cry not for a superficial temporal fling, but for my eternal lover, the one who knows my sould through and through, just to be with Him -- just to feel His touch again. It's not the anointing that drives me, it's simply His presence. We don't have to say anything, just be together.
How can you not stop and reflect on these words? How often have you cried and longed for his presence? We all chase after the brimming cup. Drink deeply and be filled.
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
“ [The God of All Comfort ]Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. ”- 2 Corinthians 1:3,4 How true this is. I have learned, unfortunately the hard way sometimes, that everything I have gone through is to teach me how to be compassionate to others. Not to judge, but only to love. How hard this is to do. We are programmed from a very early age to judge others. We see situations others are going through and we decide what we would do in that situation and judge that person accordingly. How wrong this is! I judged someone once. I did not agree with how they were handling their problems. I judged them. "Judge not, lest ye be judged." And I was. I lived that persons life for a year. It was horrible and I did not do it the way I told the other person. I folded from the pain of it. I lost my hope. I felt abandoned from the Lord. But he taught me well and I am stronger for it now. I am leary now of giving other people advice. I am becoming a better listener and praying for the person instead. If we all could take a moment before opening our mouths and open our hearts and let the compassion and hope of faith guide us. How much better we would all be.
I pray Lord that you shall guide me in my everyday life. It is time for a new beginning. I know that my life is ready to change again. Rather than fight it, with your strength I shall try to embrace it. My husband told me he is afraid I am going to turn into a vegetable sitting at home everyday alone with no purpose. So Lord I am waiting for your purpose to be revealed to me. I have thought of many ideals to start a home based business. But I realize I need to do something that reflects who I am and is different than someone else's ideal. Guide me Lord in my search for excellence. Not with myself, but myself within your will. May I be an example of your glory and not my own. Amen.
I pray Lord that you shall guide me in my everyday life. It is time for a new beginning. I know that my life is ready to change again. Rather than fight it, with your strength I shall try to embrace it. My husband told me he is afraid I am going to turn into a vegetable sitting at home everyday alone with no purpose. So Lord I am waiting for your purpose to be revealed to me. I have thought of many ideals to start a home based business. But I realize I need to do something that reflects who I am and is different than someone else's ideal. Guide me Lord in my search for excellence. Not with myself, but myself within your will. May I be an example of your glory and not my own. Amen.
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
sacrifice
Sacrifice. What is it? Everyone keeps telling me I should be proud for everything I sacrificed for my mother. I did nothing but love her and as far as I am concerned I fell terribly short of all I could have done. But then aren't we our own worse critics?
I miss her. It's funny, Sammie our Dachsund, whenever something is out of place, he will leave us a present. I had moved the electric wheelchair out of mom's room (which he slept in) and he is now leaving us presents where it used to be. We once had a friend of our's son stay with us for a week. Sammie left presents next to the sofa all week. Once he left he stopped. So my hubby says we should put the chair back. We'll see.
I didn't get much housework done the last few weeks before she left. I'm not now either. I keep coming up with little projects to keep my mind busy. So I guess the house can wait.
Well my brother and I can't seem to find any common ground. As far as I can remember, we never could. I don't know why. We just can't seem to treat each other with any respect. I pray the Lord will intervene on our behalf. I know in these days the bible says we rise up against each other. I would prefer to rise up with each other. Maybe mom can referee better now between us. I hope so.
I really hate all the phone calls from everyone. I don't want to hear how sorry they are for my loss. My mom was horribly ill. I am absolutely joyful that she got to go home. In some ways I guess I am jealous she left me behind. But I promised the Lord I would never whine again to come home before my time. So I won't. She is finally free. FREE!!! One day we shall all be free. One day.
I miss her. It's funny, Sammie our Dachsund, whenever something is out of place, he will leave us a present. I had moved the electric wheelchair out of mom's room (which he slept in) and he is now leaving us presents where it used to be. We once had a friend of our's son stay with us for a week. Sammie left presents next to the sofa all week. Once he left he stopped. So my hubby says we should put the chair back. We'll see.
I didn't get much housework done the last few weeks before she left. I'm not now either. I keep coming up with little projects to keep my mind busy. So I guess the house can wait.
Well my brother and I can't seem to find any common ground. As far as I can remember, we never could. I don't know why. We just can't seem to treat each other with any respect. I pray the Lord will intervene on our behalf. I know in these days the bible says we rise up against each other. I would prefer to rise up with each other. Maybe mom can referee better now between us. I hope so.
I really hate all the phone calls from everyone. I don't want to hear how sorry they are for my loss. My mom was horribly ill. I am absolutely joyful that she got to go home. In some ways I guess I am jealous she left me behind. But I promised the Lord I would never whine again to come home before my time. So I won't. She is finally free. FREE!!! One day we shall all be free. One day.
Friday, February 18, 2005
She is gone
Already the quiet loss has seeped around the edges of my conscience. Moments pass when the emptiness overwhelms me, as tears fall from the corners of my eyes and drop quietly into my lap. I love you momma, I love you momma. The whispered words echo in my mind. Each of us silently, in our own way, accepting the quiet spot in our home that has filled our hearts with love. I wait for a whisper, a sign, something that tells me she is still with me. I know she is. But I long for I don't know what, but something.
Time. We think we have so little, or so much. But what is time? It gives order to chaos. Without it nothing would make sense. But yet it is just a stop to something bigger. A small blip for us to enjoy one another. To learn. There is a bigger picture that most of us are missing. I am just now starting to see the edges of it. One day I will be able to see it all. So much to learn. So much to love. One day I will see it all.
Time. We think we have so little, or so much. But what is time? It gives order to chaos. Without it nothing would make sense. But yet it is just a stop to something bigger. A small blip for us to enjoy one another. To learn. There is a bigger picture that most of us are missing. I am just now starting to see the edges of it. One day I will be able to see it all. So much to learn. So much to love. One day I will see it all.
Dear Lord
Thank you for your comfort and strength. Blessed am I to have such love. Grant us peace in chaos, Solice in adversity, and joy when heartbroken. Thank you and Amen.
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
My fingers lie quietly upon these keys as my brain is blank as what to write. Then they began moving on their on violition. I sit here listening to the gurgle of momma's breathing trying to not think of the inevitable. She is dying and this very night may be her last. Many times over the last few years we - my brother and I - have thought her close but always knew she still had some kick left in her. She is a survivor. A tough cookie. Or also known as "Sarge" in the days she marched at the Harvey House. But now I look at tired eyes, lifeless pools of color. Arms tender and swollen, black and blue from skin tears, curled close to her breast, fingers closed in a fist. Afraid, yet ready to go, she longs to be gone from this body that has betrayed the strong spirit within.
Again my fingers pause, where to take my rambling thoughts from here. I think rather than reflect on our past, I shall speak of the present. My friend she is. Always there. Always giving. Loving me uncondtionally just as Jesus would want. This time has been the greatest time God, my father, has given me. A time for us to get to know each other. To grow in a way we neaver accomplised in my childhood. A time for me to love and to really feel what this woman has given me. Tears roll down my face, not in sadness though some would mistake it as such. But in love. True heartfelt love for my mother.
The tears ran like rivulets in sadness in the preceeding days and weeks. Anger that she didn't try harder. Frustration because she stopped trying. Resolve that her only wishes are to be healed and have peace. Only one road to the rest she craves. What kind of thoughts and feeling will I have in the future days. I know she is going to a better place. Not just like people say to have something to say when a loved one goes. But truly going to the home Jesus and the Father have prepared. That place that each of us crave whether we know it or not. Our whole life is but a trip to another destination. A different place to explore.
I catch myself everytime I walk in her room watching her chest for that tell-tale sign there is yet a few more breaths of life in a lifeless body. It still rises. Up and down like the tides of the ocean. And my own breath slowly escapes my lips. Not even realizing I was holding it.
I probably won't sleep tonight. Or maybe I will out of exhaustion. The watch has begun I am blessed that I can be here with her. Never alone.
Again my fingers pause, where to take my rambling thoughts from here. I think rather than reflect on our past, I shall speak of the present. My friend she is. Always there. Always giving. Loving me uncondtionally just as Jesus would want. This time has been the greatest time God, my father, has given me. A time for us to get to know each other. To grow in a way we neaver accomplised in my childhood. A time for me to love and to really feel what this woman has given me. Tears roll down my face, not in sadness though some would mistake it as such. But in love. True heartfelt love for my mother.
The tears ran like rivulets in sadness in the preceeding days and weeks. Anger that she didn't try harder. Frustration because she stopped trying. Resolve that her only wishes are to be healed and have peace. Only one road to the rest she craves. What kind of thoughts and feeling will I have in the future days. I know she is going to a better place. Not just like people say to have something to say when a loved one goes. But truly going to the home Jesus and the Father have prepared. That place that each of us crave whether we know it or not. Our whole life is but a trip to another destination. A different place to explore.
I catch myself everytime I walk in her room watching her chest for that tell-tale sign there is yet a few more breaths of life in a lifeless body. It still rises. Up and down like the tides of the ocean. And my own breath slowly escapes my lips. Not even realizing I was holding it.
I probably won't sleep tonight. Or maybe I will out of exhaustion. The watch has begun I am blessed that I can be here with her. Never alone.
Monday, February 07, 2005
I'm not sure why I called this site Genesis. Exodus would probably have been a better description. A trip through time. A journey from the beginning with no end. Every day it is harder not to cry. My mother is dying and the truth of the matter is setting in. She has been fighting for every minute since her breaking her back in that rehab facility. I knew it would not be many years since I brought her home last December from the nursing home. (a different one than she fell in) But I really thought it would more than what we're getting. I am glad for this time though. I really disliked my mother growing up. We were never close and my family were the enemy. But isn't that true for most teenagers? At least not for mine. If I didn't teach them anything, I managed to let them know how much they are loved. Unconditionally.
Since moving to Florida my mother had become my best friend. We spent a lot of time together shopping, eating, and just enjoying each other's company. Now it is so hard. She is in a trance like state a good bit of the time. She tells me she is staring at herself. I know it won't be long. She says she is tired. She could live longer if she chose to. But she has refused to take her meds for heart problems. It is a complicated relationship between her meds. One affects how much of another she needs to take. It is now just a matter of time for her body to finish shutting down. I get angry and frustrated. I yell at her to try. Or at least I was. Now I sit and hold her hand and I cry as I watch the life and fire dwindle in her eyes. I pray each day for the Lord to change me to what he wants be to be for her. Kind, compassionate, caring, and calm. Patience is a virtue. Less than three weeks ago she feed herself, talk, and use her hands to hold her own drinks. Then BAM! Overnight she can't do anything. I have to feed her and hold her cups for her to drink. I tried to exercise her arms. She yelled at me for hurting her. One day at a time. To love, to think, to hold, to care. My outlook on life is definitely changing. How I look at people, and what I expect from people is changing. So many things to learn. So much taken for granted. I am finally getting what the Lord wants me to learn. What is and isn't important. Thank you Lord for loving me. Thank you for approving of me just the way I am. Thank you for your strength, courage, wisdom, and discernment. Thank you for blessing me and each member of my family. Thank you for keeping us firmly planted upon your path. Thank you for protecting us and watching over us. Thank you for feeding us and providing abundantly to us. Thank you most of all for your son Jesus who saved us. Amen.
Since moving to Florida my mother had become my best friend. We spent a lot of time together shopping, eating, and just enjoying each other's company. Now it is so hard. She is in a trance like state a good bit of the time. She tells me she is staring at herself. I know it won't be long. She says she is tired. She could live longer if she chose to. But she has refused to take her meds for heart problems. It is a complicated relationship between her meds. One affects how much of another she needs to take. It is now just a matter of time for her body to finish shutting down. I get angry and frustrated. I yell at her to try. Or at least I was. Now I sit and hold her hand and I cry as I watch the life and fire dwindle in her eyes. I pray each day for the Lord to change me to what he wants be to be for her. Kind, compassionate, caring, and calm. Patience is a virtue. Less than three weeks ago she feed herself, talk, and use her hands to hold her own drinks. Then BAM! Overnight she can't do anything. I have to feed her and hold her cups for her to drink. I tried to exercise her arms. She yelled at me for hurting her. One day at a time. To love, to think, to hold, to care. My outlook on life is definitely changing. How I look at people, and what I expect from people is changing. So many things to learn. So much taken for granted. I am finally getting what the Lord wants me to learn. What is and isn't important. Thank you Lord for loving me. Thank you for approving of me just the way I am. Thank you for your strength, courage, wisdom, and discernment. Thank you for blessing me and each member of my family. Thank you for keeping us firmly planted upon your path. Thank you for protecting us and watching over us. Thank you for feeding us and providing abundantly to us. Thank you most of all for your son Jesus who saved us. Amen.
Friday, January 21, 2005
January 21, 2005
Genesis Well I guess it is time to start writing my thoughts down somewhere they won't get lost. I can't seem to remember somethings, others I remember every detail. Such is life. I do want to express and share my testimonies of God's existance in my life. I have forgotten many, but there have been a few incidents recently I can still recall with some clarity.
First is him actually speaking to me. I knew it was him, or my friend I hadn't seen in a year had suddenly became clairvoyant. I went through a great tribulation this past year, or at least it was to me. I know many are far worse than me. But the Lord always says he will not give us morethan we can handle. Well he really let Satan push me to the limit. I was unemployed, disabled, being evicted, clinically depressed, caring for my mother, son, and my husband was also unemployed. I cried and cried to the Lord but did not seem to get anywhere. My prayers seemed very ineffectual, so I started asking Jesus to pray for me. Everyday I thanked him for everything and asked him to pray. My problem was I was not believing in my faith. I had lost it somewhere. I still believed in God, I just didn't believe in change. I could not call those things that are not as though they are. This is very important in faith. I lost my hope. Couldn't find it anywhere.
I had a doctor appointment on October 14th with my pain management doctor. I had begged the Lord the night before to speak to me. I was so lost. I woke up that morning crying and could not stop. No particular reason. I just could not stop crying. I stopped to see a friend that worked by my doctors office. I had not seen her for over a year. We had both worked at the same place but through varying circumstances we both lost our jobs. We had been so close while working at Shriners Hospitals. People sometimes mixed us up. We looked enough alike to pass for sisters. Anyway, I stopped to see her. As soon as I hugged her I burst out in tears. She immediately began to pray over me asking the Lord for all of the same things I had been praying for. Peace, healing, and all of the other things I had been asking the Lord for. All of a sudden she pulled away from me, looked me in the eyes and said " Judy the Lord is tired of hearing you say you want to come home. He is tired of hearing you say your tired and ready to go. He is tired of you saying your tired. He isn't finished with you here and still has things for you to do. Now pray to him and give him your problems just like you used to tell me." The amazing thing of this conversation is that these are the words I had been speaking to the Lord. There was no way for her to know that. I had not seen her in a year. I had not spoken to her. The Lord was speaking to me just as I asked. I went home that day. I apologized to the Lord and gave him my problems. I prayed the prayer that was needed and a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders. I was free! That day things started changing again for the better. My husband went back to work. Our finances have turned around. I actually had money to buy presents for my family for Christmas. I had money to pay for my medical bills. I was able to catch up our most needed necessities. But he had spoken to me. I promised him I would never ask him to come and get me again. I will wait for him to decide when I come home.
The other big thing is right before we were evicted from the house we were renting, I took my last dollar and sent it to Joyce Meyer Ministries. She has taught me so much since Jesus came into my life. Has really taught me how to be a Christian. There is a lot more to it than having a bumper sticker or saying God Bless to someone. Anyway back to the dollar. Six weeks later we moved into our own home that we now own. If that is not an awesome testimony of the Glory of God, I don't know what is.
I just want to tell everyone no matter how hard it is, the Lord will make it better.
First is him actually speaking to me. I knew it was him, or my friend I hadn't seen in a year had suddenly became clairvoyant. I went through a great tribulation this past year, or at least it was to me. I know many are far worse than me. But the Lord always says he will not give us morethan we can handle. Well he really let Satan push me to the limit. I was unemployed, disabled, being evicted, clinically depressed, caring for my mother, son, and my husband was also unemployed. I cried and cried to the Lord but did not seem to get anywhere. My prayers seemed very ineffectual, so I started asking Jesus to pray for me. Everyday I thanked him for everything and asked him to pray. My problem was I was not believing in my faith. I had lost it somewhere. I still believed in God, I just didn't believe in change. I could not call those things that are not as though they are. This is very important in faith. I lost my hope. Couldn't find it anywhere.
I had a doctor appointment on October 14th with my pain management doctor. I had begged the Lord the night before to speak to me. I was so lost. I woke up that morning crying and could not stop. No particular reason. I just could not stop crying. I stopped to see a friend that worked by my doctors office. I had not seen her for over a year. We had both worked at the same place but through varying circumstances we both lost our jobs. We had been so close while working at Shriners Hospitals. People sometimes mixed us up. We looked enough alike to pass for sisters. Anyway, I stopped to see her. As soon as I hugged her I burst out in tears. She immediately began to pray over me asking the Lord for all of the same things I had been praying for. Peace, healing, and all of the other things I had been asking the Lord for. All of a sudden she pulled away from me, looked me in the eyes and said " Judy the Lord is tired of hearing you say you want to come home. He is tired of hearing you say your tired and ready to go. He is tired of you saying your tired. He isn't finished with you here and still has things for you to do. Now pray to him and give him your problems just like you used to tell me." The amazing thing of this conversation is that these are the words I had been speaking to the Lord. There was no way for her to know that. I had not seen her in a year. I had not spoken to her. The Lord was speaking to me just as I asked. I went home that day. I apologized to the Lord and gave him my problems. I prayed the prayer that was needed and a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders. I was free! That day things started changing again for the better. My husband went back to work. Our finances have turned around. I actually had money to buy presents for my family for Christmas. I had money to pay for my medical bills. I was able to catch up our most needed necessities. But he had spoken to me. I promised him I would never ask him to come and get me again. I will wait for him to decide when I come home.
The other big thing is right before we were evicted from the house we were renting, I took my last dollar and sent it to Joyce Meyer Ministries. She has taught me so much since Jesus came into my life. Has really taught me how to be a Christian. There is a lot more to it than having a bumper sticker or saying God Bless to someone. Anyway back to the dollar. Six weeks later we moved into our own home that we now own. If that is not an awesome testimony of the Glory of God, I don't know what is.
I just want to tell everyone no matter how hard it is, the Lord will make it better.
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