Tuesday, February 22, 2005

sacrifice

Sacrifice. What is it? Everyone keeps telling me I should be proud for everything I sacrificed for my mother. I did nothing but love her and as far as I am concerned I fell terribly short of all I could have done. But then aren't we our own worse critics?

I miss her. It's funny, Sammie our Dachsund, whenever something is out of place, he will leave us a present. I had moved the electric wheelchair out of mom's room (which he slept in) and he is now leaving us presents where it used to be. We once had a friend of our's son stay with us for a week. Sammie left presents next to the sofa all week. Once he left he stopped. So my hubby says we should put the chair back. We'll see.

I didn't get much housework done the last few weeks before she left. I'm not now either. I keep coming up with little projects to keep my mind busy. So I guess the house can wait.

Well my brother and I can't seem to find any common ground. As far as I can remember, we never could. I don't know why. We just can't seem to treat each other with any respect. I pray the Lord will intervene on our behalf. I know in these days the bible says we rise up against each other. I would prefer to rise up with each other. Maybe mom can referee better now between us. I hope so.

I really hate all the phone calls from everyone. I don't want to hear how sorry they are for my loss. My mom was horribly ill. I am absolutely joyful that she got to go home. In some ways I guess I am jealous she left me behind. But I promised the Lord I would never whine again to come home before my time. So I won't. She is finally free. FREE!!! One day we shall all be free. One day.
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