Monday, December 12, 2005


Hmmm, so many of us have forgotten the reason we have Christmas. The business community has convinced many of us that we need to spend money we don't have, and that nothing we do is good enough. Buy more! Buy more! It never stops. You start seeing Christmas things in the store as early as June or July now. The shopping day of the year is is the day after THANKSgiving. But instead of the spirit of Christmas, I see people fighting over items in the store. A woman got trampled this year in the stores. Two men got in fist fights over an item. Why? Because the stores advertise these wonderful discounted prices for items but as we all know, they only have one or two in the store and have several thousand people wanting it. It is so sad. But even with all of this evil trying to take over the goodness. Goodness still comes through I am glad to say. Because the goodness of the holiday also brings out the giving in each of us and makes us think twice about those in our lives that we choose not to "see."

I received this in my email today. I thought it appropriate to include in my blog.

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the town, Not a sign of Baby Jesus was anywhere to be found.
The people were all busy with Christmastime chores.
Like decorating, and baking, and shopping in stores.
No one sang, "Away in a manger, no crib for a bed."
Instead, they sang of Santa dressed up in bright red.
Mama watched Martha Stewart, Papa drank beer from a tap.
As hour upon hour the presents they'd wrap.
Then what from the TV did they suddenly hear?
An ad, which told of a big sale down at Sears.
So away to the mall they all flew like a flash,
Buying some things on credit and others with cash!
And, as they made their way home from their trip to the mall,
Did they think about Jesus? Oh, no, not at all.
Their lives were so busy with their Christmas time things,
They had no time to remember Christ Jesus, the King.
There were presents to wrap and cookies to bake.
How could they stop and remember the One who died for their sake?
To pray to the Savior, they had no time to stop.
Because they needed more time to "Shop till they drop!"On wail-mart! On K-mart! On Target! On Penny's!On Hallmark! On Zales!
A quick lunch at Denny's!
From the big stores downtown to the stores at the mall,
They would dash away, dash away, and visit them all!
And up on the roof, there arose such a clatter,
As grandpa hung icicle lights using his brand new step ladder.
He hung lights that would flash. He hung lights that would twirl.
Yet, he never once prayed to Jesus, the Light of the World.
Christ's eyes, how they twinkle!Christ's Spirit how merry!
Christ's love, how enormous!All of our burdens He'll carry!
So instead of being busy, overworked, and uptight,
Let's put Christ back in Christmas and enjoy some good nights!

Well the point of today's blog is to thank the God for the ultimate gift he gave me. His son. His son died so I can live forever. Not in this short term body, but my spirit which is part of him. He dwells within me. I know him, I feel him, I love him, and it is something that no one can ever take away from me. Christ may have not been born on December 25th. But it is another day of thanksgiving. I give thanks that God gave me his son. Through grace and mercy he is mine and I am his. I wish that every person could experience the glory of his presence in their lives. There is nothing greater. But each of us must find him in our time, in our own way, and not before we need. It is time to share my testimony of this wonderful being in my life and how he saved it.

I tried to commit suicide in 1997. I was so depressed. So lost. I had no hope, no joy, and felt no love. My childhood really messed me up in the head and as normal as I seemed to most people I was nothing but broken pieces being held together by cheap glue inside. Everything in my life led me to the day I gave up and gave myself to God. The greatest day of my life. Five years prior to this my husband of 10 years left me for himself. I was devastated. I had been abandoned and unloved yet again in my life. This was the beginning of the end for my emotional well being. I thank the Lord I was unselfish enough and sane enough to give custody of my youngest son to his father. Even now, years later this turned out to be a good decision.

Let me give you a little background so you understand my mindset. I had a dysfunctional childhood. I was ill a great deal of the time because of kidney disease. So I was in and out of hospitals a lot. But I was also sexually molested by two family members, we never had intercourse, but I was touched inappropriately and I remember. I was physically abused. I was beaten with switches and belts and not just normal spankings, I got beat with a switch until I bled for spending 50 cents in candy machines at the store after being told not to. I would be beat so hard with a belt I would have black and blue belt welts on my legs. I can remember my father sitting at the table with a belt over his shoulder while I ate just waiting for me to refuse to eat my liver. I hate liver. I once turned around and came right back home from school and caught my father dressing up in my clothes and makeup. Again I was devastated and never spent another moment alone with my father. I did eventually make piece in my heart about my relationship with him. But the scars remained and were deep. I never had many relationships with the opposite sex growing up because of my weight problems. So when I did I was always looking for a knight in shining armor. I didn't know how to be happy so I was always looking for someone to make me happy. The first time I moved in with a man at the age of 19 he beat me to death severely. Kicked me in the face snapping my head back and slamming it into the table giving me a concussion. I remained with this man for 2 months after this and like all abusive men, he was always contrite afterwards. We learn what we live. His father abused his mother. I remember the day I finally moved out, my father came to help. He hit me because I was embarrassing him. Go figure. I had lost 50 pounds up to this point and for the first time in my life I was acceptably thin. I was not used to the attention of males and so I did not make good decisions for relationships. And I just wanted someone to love me. So the first man that chose to love me was a homosexual. I thought he could love just me. Boy was I wrong. We got married, had a baby, and a year later he left me for a man. Then I met my second husband. I loved him deeply. Dreamed of growing old having grandchildren. Etc etc. But alas, as is with many people in the military, his last trip while we were married was 6 months long. It changed our relationship, it changed him, and rather than remember the promise he made to me and God, he chose to be selfish and left me a single, heartbroken mother. I was so devastated. I became so depressed I wanted to die. Even started making arrangements to make sure all my ducks were in a row for my children. Well my mother - n - law of all people saw in my heart what I wanted to do and flat out told me her son wasn't worth it. I managed to struggle through this and remarried a one of my roommates. Well needless to say he had his own psychological problems and my life became extremely volatile and psychologically my mind began to break down. Most people couldn't see it because from my childhood I learned to hide behind a mask. I was recently diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. It put a lot of the puzzle pieces together for me. But anyway. Through many chain of event situations, in January of 1997 I reached my emotional breaking point. I swallowed several of my husbands blood pressure pills. I don't have high blood pressure and my husband had been warned to never take more than one of these pills because they could stop your heart. Then it happened. God spoke to me. Actually it was more he yelled at me in my mind. No I am not schizophrenic. I don't hear voices. But God spoke and I listened. He yelled at me that my children needed me. He yelled at me that I was taking something that did not belong to me. I belonged to him and he had plans for me. Over and over in minutes that seemed like an eternity I heard my son needed me. I got up and ran to the bathroom and stuck my fingers down my throat. Up came the pills. And everything changed. I began reading the bible from cover to cover. And for the first time in my life I actually understood what I was reading. God was revealing message after message to me. He changed me from the inside out. I was different. And because I changed my husband had to change and although we have had some rough spots over the last 8 years I must say I have a wonderful marriage to an incredible man I love with all my heart. I love this man unconditionally. And I know, deep inside he loves me. I know the Lord loves me, I know the Lord is real. And I will try as I remember them to share my testimonies of specific prayers being answered so specifically that I knew it was God. He is real. He is here. He is within me. And I wish more than anything to share him with all.
God Bless for today. There will be more to come.
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